Imposter Syndrome

The last of the main three core values that Hillary and I had in our relationship I refer to as imposter syndrome. I am somewhat joking about this, but there is a large grain of truth behind it.

Wikipedia includes the quote, "...a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts his or her accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'."

That's overselling it somewhat.

Both Hillary and I were convinced that the other person was significantly 'better' than we were in many ways. We both had a mild, deep seated fear that the other person was eventually going to figure out that we weren't that great and then there would be problems. That led to both of us working harder at being better in the relationship to keep up as it were.

From how we interacted with each other on hard days to how we dealt with the kids. We both appreciated what the other person did and often caught ourselves thinking or saying how lucky we were.

Ultimately, I think that's a pretty good way to have a relationship work.

There are many ways to build a successful one.

These three things worked for Hillary and I due to our personal foibles. We both always had self confidence issues. We were both competitive. We were both capable of seeing the best in the other person. We were able to trust that we'd both learn from our mistakes and grow together. We respected each other deeply as humans on this planet.

That's all.